I must say, presentation is very wearisome as we have to spend time doing it. And we are very busy this year and adding on to our tie schedule is presentation. I know it will do us good and we have to learn to face our fears but doing it now when it is coming nearer to our exams does not help at all.

Sorry Mr Wee, but I prefer hearing to you talking instead of our own classmates as I don't get what they present. And also you are more experience in teaching compared to others.

Well, what other choices do I have? Have to do it anyway. My whole weekend gone in a flash...

I wander all night in my vision,

Bending with open eyes over the shut eyes of sleepers,

Wandering and confused, lost to myself,

Ill-assorted. Contradictory,

Pausing, gazing, bending and stopping.

Looking back to what it seemed to be a tragic event

the embers left from earlier fires,

shall duly flame again

In times of grief and sorrow

How hard it may seem

To hold back the floods of tears and despair

and make it through the potholed streets of life.

The vision of you

had become clearly.

The only sound that can be heard

are the whispers of your voice.

The smooth, soft sound that keep me at ease.

Collide with the sound of the rain falling down from the sky

The cold breeze touches my skin

Making me shiver uncontrollably

How I wish you would come back to me.

The never ending

Mayhem of life

The last touch

Never to feel you again

All I wanted was

To close my eyes

For eternity

But

With splendid dawn, your face aglow

I reach for you and find my heart

Never to ever give up

Just stand up

Well got my inspiration from the book called "the notebook". Some words are extracted from the book but others are created by me. Hope you like it.

Compliment is an expression of praise, commendation or admiration. Well I have been receiving a lot of compliment lately on my english. I don't why but maybe it is due to my speaking. Like today when I saw Mr Sng at the canteen area lining up at the Malay stall to buy Mee Rebus

My friend and I: Hi Mr Sng!

Mr Sng: Hello how are you? Erm.. why are you standing behind me?

Me: Erm... because you are in front of me?

He laughed. Mr Sng: Hmm.. ok. Your english have improved remarkably.

Me: hehe thanks because I speak only elegantly. you know.

We all laughed. It was so funny. Then I saw that there was no more Mee Rebus.

Me: Mr Sng how could you? You took the last one. I wanted to eat.

Mr Sng: The aunty give me the last one because you know why? I am handsome.

I was like lol. Very funny. It is so funny. The weird thing is he put sambal in his Mee Rebus. I thought we should put it for nuggets only.

Then afterwards I said, " Enjoy your food"

Mr Sng: Ok thanks you too.

Well I also received compliment from Mr Ranjit on my english. We were at our usual study place when he approached us.

Mr Ranjit: Hmm. Very hardworking students. Study hard ok.

Me: Of course we will. We have to because I want to be a Veterinarian.

Mr Ranjit: Erm... Are you Malay??

Me: Ya why??

Mr Ranjit: No it is just that the way you speak English is very different from the rest that I have known.

Me: huh really? In what way?

Mr Ranjit: You speak English very well. Standard English. very good.

Me: Erm thanks.

Afterwards we chatted for about two hours and he got to know us quite well.

I guess. I seriously like the teachers here. They are great and so easy to talk to. And also compliments from my teachers really motivate me to study hard because I know that I study not only for myself but also for my teachers as I want them to be proud of me. And by the way, the way I speak English is the way it is. I guess I am used to speaking English with a little accent but not a heavy one because due to too many hollywood shows. Haha.

well just now we had the education fair talk which schools from different poly and JC coming to persuade us to enter their school. Well I am only aiming for one poly right now and that is TP. Because TP has the course that I wanted so badly which is Veterinary Technology.

A guy spoke to me and told me more about the course so that I will understand better. The most shocking thing is that now the cut off point for my course has drop. AGAIN. Oh man last year was 10 and now 8. How can they do this? I want that course badly. And some more it does that follow the L1 R4 but instead L1 R5. So I have to score well for ALL my subjects including MT. Haiz my dreams...scattered....

Even if I don't get into Vet Tech, I only want to get into science related course like psychology and biomedical science but these courses is also 10 points. Why?? It is so hard to get in.

Haiz... what am I going to do..... Even if I study until I lose all of hair it is hard for me to get into Vet Tech as only TP provide this course and it is impossible for me to get below 10 points. It is too late for me to start now.

Well I went for my cousin's wedding yesterday. It went terribly. My mum kept on crying every few seconds, for all sort of reasons. Well I better not tell you so much details. I could see that all my cousins have grown up. I had never seen them for years now, it was nice of them to invite us to the wedding. Well my another cousin is getting married next year and the fiance is so handsome, he is chinese too! OMG. So good.

Well, blah,blah, blah. Things really changed so quickly. Even my niece and nephew is all grown up. They are so cute. Well then I was like so bored there because everyone was like crying. I mean it was a wedding, shouldn't people happy instead of sorrowful?

Well whatever. Then I went home with my mum after a long argument. Then suddenly, she persuaded, " I want you to get married when you are 23". I was like huh??? She seriously put so much pressure on me. Then I said. " I don't even have a boyfriend who do you want me to marry huh?"

She said," Just marry anyone", I was like so fed up, " Why should I be married if I am not even happy with my life mum? Marriage is a huge thing, I don't have the commitment and I want to be happy with the person whom I can share everything with," Then she just dropped the topic.

So whatever, it was quite a weird question from my mum. I guess she just wanted grandchildren as soon she will be lonely. Well for this reason, I want to work hard, get a great career and everything will fall in place.

Then she asked me to go jogging with her since she wanted to lose weight. I said ok at 5 pm. And do you know what she did?? She slept and I was lol. Then I decided to go for a run by myself. I guess it is good in a sense that I am able to keep my body fit and also let go of all my stress.

Well that's it. And ya my cousin wedding was so nice and I don't even recognise her neither did she even notice me. I guess I have changed a lot and it has been like more than 5 years since I ever saw anyone of them.

Oh man! My dad seriously going to kill me when he sees my results. I failed my English and by 4 marks only! Confirm he will make me go deaf with all his nagging. I have never fail English my whole life and this is my first time.

How am I going to face him? I already put a lot of effort. What more does he expect from me. I am not as clever as my brother or like my other classmates. Why does he keep on comparing? I hate it. I am already trying my best here and he still not seeing that. He expect me to get all As for all my subjects.

No,no, no. I already failed both my language subjects. Other subjects I am still fine at it. He never praises me for the subject I improve but always pushes me down on subjects I am bad on. Well that is what I have to go through every time I came home and showed him my results,

No matter how hard I do, he will never be pleased.

And Mr Wee, criterion does help me with my English language a lot. Thanks for introducing it to us.

I seen the Jack Neo first english drama which is called happily ever after. It involved two married couples. It shows what are the things you go through when you are married and the problems you will face during those times.

I guess, for me personally. I don't believe in happily ever after as there is no such thing. This benefits can only happen to the lucky few. I always hoped that one day, I will meet my "prince charming" and be happy. The only thing I ever wanted is just to be happy and even though we face difficulties in life I know that I can always count on him.

But what if I was the problem?? If I were the cause of the unhappiness? I can't do this, I can't make him happy? I don't want him to regret later on in his life if he were ever to marry me. I guess I just not ready to be with someone as I broke too many hearts. I just don't have the strength to carry on like this. Maybe I won't even find that someone, that someone who understands me. Who doesn't judge me and also whom can forgive me for all the wrong things I did in the past.

Where do I find this someone? Maybe I won't even find one. Or maybe he is just in front of me. But I will leave it up to faith to find my true love, Like what my mum says love is a bet, you either win it or lose it. I mum took that bet and now she regretted it in someways. She loved another guy when she was younger but faith brought my mum and dad together and that is how they end up together in the end. But the part of the blame is because of him.

I don't want to be miserable in the end. I want to live happily ever after. But will that ever be possible? That is what I always question myself. Maybe...I don't know..I'm confused..

Why don’t you just leave him?

I don’t understand

What is in him that you find?

Why? Why?

Don’t you know you are hurting me inside?

I suffered, I sacrifice half of my life because of you.

Go away, I don’t want to see you

You gave me nightmares, it is now branded in my mind

Leave him, it is for the best

For everyone

Though it is hard

Please just think about yourself

You don’t have to care about us

We can look after ourselves

We've grown up. Wake up.

I don’t want to see you suffer anymore

Don’t you know you are hurting me???

It breaks my heart to see you cry

Every night, full of regrets.

You are passing it to me

My life is turning upside down

Because of you

I stayed alone in this room

Because of you

I have a lot of regrets in my life

Because of you

I am like this

Please I beg you, leave him.

I can be on my own

I can get out of here

Away from everything

And never coming back

If that’s what you want

And for the best

I’ll be gone….

A bit depressing I know. Just something I wanted to write for no reason I guess...

Why don’t you just leave him?

I don’t understand

What is in him that you find?

Why? Why?

Don’t you know you are hurting me inside?

I suffered, I sacrifice half of my life because of you.

Go away, I don’t want to see you

You gave me nightmares, it is now branded in my mind

Leave him, it is for the best

For everyone

Though it is hard

Please just think about yourself

You don’t have to care about us

We can look after ourselves

We've grown up. Wake up.

I don’t want to see you suffer anymore

Don’t you know you are hurting me???

It breaks my heart to see you cry

Every night, full of regrets.

You are passing it to me

My life is turning upside down

Because of you

I stayed alone in this room

Because of you

I have a lot of regrets in my life

Because of you

I am like this

Please I beg you, leave him.

I can be on my own

I can get out of here

Away from everything

And never coming back

If that’s what you want

And for the best

I’ll be gone….

A bit depressing I know. What just something I wanted to write for no reason I guess...