wow. Just looking at the word scares me. I have no motivationg at all to study until O level. my mother tounge results are also coming out soon. And I screw up my prelims. Thought I could do well and get the scholarship. Haiz people just don't understand what Im going through at all. Its not the same as others. I don't have the support of my family, the knowledge to move up further and the discipline to keep myself well motivated.

I surf through all the channels recently, they are like totally against me. It was all about goals, goal in career, in losing weight and also goals in studies. Why??? I used to have my goal but I think I would never reach it no matter how hard I try. And my goal also is not supported by my dad and my uncles and aunt. What they expect. I love animals and I want to help them. Haiz...just because I need to touch dogs they are against it...

Prelim,prelim just thinking about it made me mad. Anyway there is just lack of motivation, no one is motivated enough to do well including the class. What should we do?? What is there to do to make us more motivated?

How about me?? I am not like some people who can just let it go and happy go lucky. Im not. I will keep asking why. I want regain my confidence, but I dont know how. Seriously advice doesnt help at all. I need to do something. Something that I love to do and never regret. But how?? That is the question left to be answered.

Maybe if there was one and only, I could somehow reduce my burden. But is it fate?? What is fate anyway? Was I fated to meet someone like him. but what if.. I don't know... What if it will just break my heart. Maybe he could help maybe he knows what I am going through. I need that someone who can just listen to me and not get bored. Just to be there and listen. But what do I take him for if I am like that?? I wish there was a Cun Xi around and I am Chen Xin Yi.