Amrit, I can move on now. Received an answer yesterday, pretty much I dont feel so empty anymore and got it off my chest. But.. I still wonder what is in store for me. My life, I realised is like a roller coaster. I think I experience the best and the worst of life already which many had yet to go through though some does not need go through the worst like I did. Pretty much I've changed. Tried to change. Either people like or dont like. I've changed. Maybe probably when you were still alive, you would have notice me getting high over lame things and laugh when ever possible, but now its hard to. Cause pretty much certain things I try my hardest to laugh so as not to disappoint them. But deep inside my mind is still in sorrowful thoughts. I dont know what I'm thinking, just that I am not thinking straight. All my classmates have been my moral support, but still, I feel empty. Maybe cause of stress???

But whatever the case, I am still regretful when I talk to my form teacher because she would also try her best to at least say one line to me during parade square but I would just say ar.ohk. Nothing much goes to our conversation which I know she hoped that I would make her laugh or smile at least in the morning which I dont anymore. My mind just hurts alot, due to study but at least the answer have ease part of my burden. I just wished I could looked more bubbly when I talk to her especially as she always wanted me to make her laugh with my so lame jokes. I just hope she is not worry about me and more focus on her own health.

Been studying straight without stopping but still I realised not enough, I cannot stop. Cannot. I even go straight home lately and straight to my past papers. Even though I dont feel strong enough to be able to clear my papers, I just have to do it. My temples have been throbbing the whole time. And every seconds I waste, I keep scolding myself. Stupid me. Life is short. Anyway, typing this already have taken minutes of my life. So now better be back at studying.

Still missing you Amrit, no matter where you are. You will always be in my memories through the thick and thin of my life. I promise I will stop by the crematorium straight after my last paper. Sorry again.